He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
