totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
