I accidentally burped into my bong.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
