Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
