Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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