So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
