your parents love me but you hate me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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