what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
