Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
