I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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