Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
