he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
