i permit you to call me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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