I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
