...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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