Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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