You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Randomize
