You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
