Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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