Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
