Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
