You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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