did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
