4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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