You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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