oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
