he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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