I'm gonna have a badass scar
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
