Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
