i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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