I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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