oh god the rape fog is back!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
