Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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