I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
