Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
