wrigley field is MILF paradise
Buhtt sex?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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