you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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