just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
