hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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