Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
