I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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