I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
