Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize