i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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