Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
