you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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