Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I AM VODKA MAN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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