Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
