Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
