6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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