love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Randomize
