My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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