well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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