I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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