New low: just hacked my moms facebook
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
